The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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