i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Someone shattered a urinal.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
