Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
