god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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