im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
