I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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