Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
