Can i not drive my cunt home
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
