That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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