So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
