I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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