Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
