so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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