Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
