she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
