peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
