I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize