I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize