I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
