I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
