If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize