Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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