im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
