If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
