I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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