just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
