thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
