i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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