Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
