he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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