My liver just broke up with me...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
