He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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