ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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