Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
