i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
