Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
NoShamevember. You game?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
