If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
