were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
