Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
