Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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