cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
