i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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