i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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