i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
if only i could text you this smell
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Life is so much better after having sex.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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