We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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