Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
