The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
