Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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