TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
