when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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