sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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