After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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