i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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