I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
