I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize