I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
