He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
