i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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