How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize