So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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