never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
