dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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