Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
