i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
