I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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