omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
