Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
