you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
