you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
