A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
