You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
