im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
