Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
