never play flip cup with pint glasses
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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