the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
