She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
