I am in a vortex of obligation.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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