Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
