She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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