Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
