okay pat passed out under dana's car
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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