she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
