party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
