It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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