the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
