apparently the secret to your success is patron
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
