Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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