I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
