I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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