I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize