I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We had to coat check the pizza.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
