My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
