accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
