I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
