I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
