someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think your dad took our porno
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
