So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
