Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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